• Truly independent artist

Self-worth & dating; do you know what you want?

by a truly independent artist

It has come to my attention, that a lot of women and men past the age of 30 years old put a lot of pressure on themselves when it comes to finding the one. I GET IT! All of our friends are either married, have babies or are in long term relationships. If your family is like mine, they might believe that something is wrong with you because you are single, or even worst because you want to be single!

I have dated a lot, and if there is one thing I have never been is desperate. You know that time when you go out with your only single friend, who finds a guy and then you are stuck with the friend, well I am the girl that will hang around for you to have your fun and then go home. Since the age of 18 years old, I had a set of rules that I followed.

The first one was ’not drink too much’ if you are around people you don’t know that well or trust (this worked well in New York City as I always walked myself home).

The second one is that you are free to do whatever you feel like doing, so if you want to sleep, go, enjoy someone then do, there is no judgment. However, if you act, you must be sure that this is what you want and not your reaction to peer pressure, always take a moment to ask yourself, how will you feel about it tomorrow? What matters the most is your self-worth, if you respect yourself inside and out, others will follow. 

Dating can be fun, nerve-racking, exhausting, boring, ……… (you can fill the blanks). It is what you make it! Depending on where I was in my life, I dated in very different ways. From online, to meeting people out and about, I knew certain people were only for a short period of time, whilst others would be staying longer, perhaps forever. The physical and mental attraction have both always been musts for me, and I cannot have one without the other. Respect, and admiration for this person in some form or another. If I wouldn’t even be friends with this person, there is no point. Always live in the present, women are great at creating stories that don’t exist. Play the Game. YES, I KNOW, you are tired, you don’t want to play any games but guess what! A little fun never hurts anybody. take the time to discover each other, no rules should apply. Remember not every date is a love story. However, when I talk about games, always BE YOURSELF, not the person they want you to be. Sometimes some of us can get lost in this one, especially if it’s somebody that we have fancied for a while but believe me there is nothing better and easier then someone that loves you for who you are! YES, this is SEXY. The person that will have you in their life is the lucky one, remember that. 

Know what you want and be honest with yourself. I can’t tell you how many people I meet that tell me that they are happy with being alone, and the minute they start dating somebody they fall head over hills with them only for it to last a very short time. If you are in a phase where you don’t want anything serious then date those ones (you know who they are), if you are in the phase of wanting something serious then look for that one. Be clear with yourself and ask for what you want.

Honesty, kindness, treat the other person like you would like to be treated. Like I always say, KARMA is a bitch and it will bite you back. 

I’ve taken a long time to accept this but know that you deserve to be loved. Look for new opportunities to meet people and get out there, life is too short to not be living it every day like it was the last. Put yourself in situations where you can grow and learn even if they are not always comfortable. Each date is as an adventure, fun because you never know how it is going to end.

Love yourself, open your heart, and believe that there is somebody out there for you whatever age, sex, believes etc...

Email me @theandreadee