It’s Thursday morning and I have been up since 5 am, I can't sleep and there is no particular reason. I mean I do have a lot on my mind so maybe that's it, but I cannot put my finger on the specific reason, but that's ok.
In 1 day, my new single 'Somehow’ will be released. It seems like I have not done as much work as I did for ‘Not sorry’. I keep reading and listening to podcasts about successful people, and the thing that they all have in common is they keep going, keep moving, and remain patient; I must admit that my patience tends to grow thin at times and this causes me to doubt my work and the dedication I have to it. I know I will get the job done, whatever it takes and I believe that there are always ways to improve and learn but the hard part for me sometimes is convincing myself that I am doing enough and it causes me to not always enjoy the process of doing what I love. I put so much pressure on my quest that I forget to be in the now. Nothing is good enough. I am not myself. I don't recognize my body or the people I work with or my partner and everything seems difficult.
I feel tired and I feel exactly like I did in NYC (working like a maniac) and it doesn't feel good…
One night, on my way to a house party, I (for no reason) decided that nothing was right in my life, everything felt like a big deal, I felt disappointment. I saw myself from the outside and I didn’t like it. Who was this girl? Who was this unhappy person? This way of being was getting me sick, my stomach was hurting me, it felt like I was going to get the flu. Everyone around me told me that I needed to take some time off, and they were right because when your body says you are done, you are done! I took a long weekend, slept for 3 days; I couldn't believe that I could sleep that much. I felt so relaxed, and I took the advice of a dear friend that told me to stop and take care of myself so for the first time in months I pressed pause and it felt great. I ignored the voice in my head and decided to just be, and whatever felt right I would do, with no judgment.
If these weird times have taught me anything it is that life is precious, so let’s not waste it, let's not be unhappy. Let’s change whatever makes us unhappy, cleanse, rearrange, and find our happiness. I am always talking about self-love, and it was in this moment that I needed to practice what I preach. I did, and it was wonderful.
Moving forward I must always check myself and refer to what makes me happy and remember how to get from the lows to the highs. I must take the time to do things that I love, and be ok with the things I do, Can I do more? Yes, but at what cost? The task will be done but the energy would be negative, and we all know how that goes….
Things will always get done, I will control the things I can control and acknowledge and be ok with the things I cannot. I will do things that bring me joy, like sitting down at the piano and playing freely, or recording vocals just because I love it not because I have to. The point is that sometimes we must take a step back and see what works and what doesn’t, what brings me joy and what doesn’t, reassess and be ok with the outcome.
I will never stop pushing as much as I can, I will never give up, but moving forward I will enjoy every minute of it.
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